I need help, I don’t know what to call it but I’m mainly always sad and down yes basically all the symptoms of depression, I started self-harming about a year ago but I didn’t think I needed help then till about a few months ago I felt very disconnected from everything and when I sleep I have anger lashing out like I just scream and get really angry in my dreams then I get emotional breakdowns in the dreams too and this isn’t a one-time thing it reoccurs
I don’t know if this is really important but it’s making me worse

Response

Of course this is really important.  Anything that is causing you distress and is harmful to your health is important.  I’m glad you took the time to ask this question.  I am sorry that you are feeling sad and down.  It’s okay to feel that way.  Everyone does from time to time.  Depression is very common, and lots of people have gone through an episode of depression during some time in their lives.  It definitely sounds like you need some help. You could be a danger to yourself and there are people who would be very hurt if you were not a part of their lives anymore.  There are people you haven’t met yet who could benefit from knowing you.  I am sorry that you are experiencing these emotional breakdowns in dreams and feeling disconnected.  There are a lot of things that could be going on, and I’m not going to get to the bottom of it from the information given here, but I encourage you to think about how you are doing, or if there have been any changes with you physically, spiritually, situationally, or socially.  Any of these things could be factors in what you are experiencing.  It’s possible that there have been changes or you are feeling dissatisfied with work or your family, or your friendships.  Is there something that has changed in your life that’s making you uneasy?  Or are things staying the same and now they’ve become stagnant?  Are you being kind to yourself?  When was the last time you felt like you were contributing to the world in a positive way?  And is it possible that what your experiencing is at all related to your physical health?  If you haven’t been to the doctor recently it might be worth a visit to your PCP.  You’d be surprised at the effects a vitamin deficiency can have on your mood.  

I know this was a lot of questions, and probably not enough answers for what you were wanting and what you are going through.  But what you’re experiencing could be from multiple different causes.  I hope that by asking yourself some of these questions you’re able to be mindful of what’s going on.  It might be helpful to ask these questions with a professional who can guide you through the process.  I wish you luck.  I really hope that you find someone who can help you, and I hope that eventually, you are able to see that you are an integral and necessary part of this world.  

A note regarding self harm. For many people when they are feeling down and depressed with a lack of energy, cutting, burning, pinching, etc. feels helpful in the moment. You may be surprised to find that this is actually a form of coping. Causing this harm gives you endorphins which helps wake you up and snap you out of your “numb” depressive state. I do not want to take away from coping that may be helping you in the moment, but I would like to offer some other options. Standing up, moving around, listening to high tempo music, and if you must self harm, snapping a rubber band on your wrist, are all options that can give you endorphins without causing physical damage or leading to possible infection. Please consider some of these safer options, and get in touch with emergency services if you feel you may have hurt yourself too severely.