I have a bad habit of shutting down when a situation is going good. I am in a great relationship and when I get uncomfortable I break up and block him. I need to do better


I’m sorry that you are struggling with this.  You seem very aware of the situation, and how your actions contribute to it.  That’s a good first start.  I think a lot of people start to feel this way for different reasons.  Maybe there are some self-esteem concerns there, an assertion that you “don’t want to belong to any club that would have you as a member”.  Maybe you’ve been hurt in the past, and you’re trying to keep yourself safe. Sometimes avoidance like this can be a fear of rejection. Whatever the thought it’s important to really ponder and consider the question before you can start to answer and address it. 

There may be some valid reasons that you are feeling how you are feeling.  There may also be some irrational ones.  Distinguishing between the two is very important, though often difficult to do.  I would recommend practicing “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy” to help distinguish rational from irrational thinking with regard to relationships.  This involves trying to find evidence for and against the thoughts we are having.  For example, the thought, “I do not deserve to be loved” could be supported by evidence of rejection from other people.  However, it is refuted by the fact that you have likely been loved by others, you probably have some qualities that even you are proud of, and the fact that you would likely not speak to anyone else that way or deny anyone else companionship, so why deny yourself?  When we re-examine that phrase we see that a more neutral phrasing might be, “I have been hurt in the past and it has affected my self-worth.”  This is not necessarily a positive thought, but it puts things in perspective and is certainly not fully negative.  It also stops blaming you for “not deserving love”, but places responsibility on you to acknowledge how your past and your feelings might be affecting your actions.  Hopefully, you find this empowers you to know that you are in charge of where you go from here in the relationship.  

It is worth noting that this practice can sometimes take time.  We live with our negative thinking for so long, it is hard to change.  But the more you do it, the easier it becomes.  

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