The past four-five months had been very difficult. I have been emotionally mentally and physically exhausted. Had a major fight with friends who were with me for the last 8 years. Fighting for a relationship that has become toxic because of my actions and now I have pure intentions but I have to suffer the consequences. It’s been hard. Very hard.

Response

Hello.  First of all, I am so sorry that you are going through all of this.  I’m not sure that I understand completely the situation, but I will do my best to address the concerns as presented.  It sounds like you and your friends of 8 years got into an argument over a relationship that you are in that has become toxic, mostly due to your own actions, but now you are wanting it to be a healthy relationship.  That’s what I got out of the question, so I hope it’s somewhat close to accurate.  The question does not address how your partner who is also involved in the “toxic but wanting it to be healthy” relationship feels about the situation.  I can’t be clear if they are also wanting to work on the relationship, if they want out, or if you are aware of their opinion at all (which could be part of the toxicity).  

I have to say that if you were involved in behaviors that were harming other people and you got called out on it, then you are correct, these are the consequences.  I can’t tell you that your romantic relationship or your friendships are going to be the same.  I don’t know the extent of your actions, so hopefully, they are not that bad, or this was a temporary lapse in judgment or character for you, and things are easily resolved.  In that case, try to give these people space and then re-introduce yourself, apologizing for your actions (assuming you are sorry, don’t give fake apologies), and reminding them of the person you really are, who they used to be enjoy being friends with.  If these actions were more malicious in nature, or if they’ve been going on for a considerable amount of time, then I hope that this is taken as a learning opportunity.  For your own sake try not to think about the other people as having abandoned or harmed you.  Try to really think about your actions, how they affected others, and how you can do better in the future.  I wish you the best of luck.